"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
