I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
