Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
