the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
