Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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