We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize