i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
