I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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