Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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