My nipple is on Facebook.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
