Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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