if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize