in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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