i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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