Nicole vs. Life
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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