I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
