im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
