you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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