I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
