We won't sleep together?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
