the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
