the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
God, I missed his penis.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
