She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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