WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
