somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
