i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
