Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
