if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
