My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
