Swine flu. Run for my life!
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
