It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
