New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
