best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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