he thought i was a dude.
smell my finger.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
