Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
