I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
