Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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