I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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