we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
