I faked an abortion last night.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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