I'm so fucking centered right now
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
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