drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
