There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
