She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
