If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
