Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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