when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize