Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize