After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Holy sore nipples Batman
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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