this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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