I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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