I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
