Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
