Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
