Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Randomize
