Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
