Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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