Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
as a side note pls kill me
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