When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
