it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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