He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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