Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
