I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
