I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
