i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
