he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
