I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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